Three Outlaws Walk Into A Bar
by The What-If Writer
Summary: ONE-SHOT: When Tex Hex, Thunderstick and Scuzz are at the saloon, they find themselves a little too bored to resist causing havoc.


_I doubt this will get reviews here, but I'm posting it anyway. Had fun writing this XD_

* * *

Some Outlaws Walk Into a Bar

Thunderstick guessed there where perks in a saloon that was not in Fort Kerium, but darn, he never thought he'd begin to miss ole stiff Handlebar's place.

This shady little town in the shadow of the rocky New Texus Mountain was quiet and dusty with barley a good light in the place. Not that the bot minded; he just wished there was a little more noise. He felt a little to...noticeable here.

Thunderstick adjusted his hat a little before moving his hand (the one with fingers) to his metal jaw; fingering the bolt on the left keeping it in place. He could feel a few dents. His static eyes flickering, he moved his jaw around only for it to jam a little. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten into that fight with that windbag Sandman...

A snicker beside him alerted- or rather reminded- him of his comrade, the decidedly unhealthy looking prairie-man Scuzz, who was sat on a stool beside him at the rounded table in the corner, where only a small lantern hung from the dark wood.

"Yer jaw stoppin' on ya, Rust-er-Stick?" Scuzz remarked lowly, letting out a wheezing cough. Thunderstick's eyes flickered again and he glowered down at the smaller outlaw.

"Your ja-jaw'll be j-jammin' when I take that there ci-gar and _shove_ it down your-!"

"Ah, shuddup, Thunderstick."

Both outlaws jerked as if they'd been slapped and turned to look at the man sitting opposite them. Sitting slouched in his chair like a carefree youth, examining the glass in his hand from underneath his tipped hat (and with notably purple skin) sat Tex Hex, the most feared and infamous outlaw in New Texus.

And the reason why most of the tables near them were empty.

"I'm trying ta have a relaxin' night away from lawmen." Tex drawled darkly, clearly not in a good mood, "So shut yer stuttering trap."

Scuzz sniggered inwardly again as Thunderstick snapped his jaw shut without another word. He glared sourly at the former before slumped on his stool, head in one hand.

Man, what a dull night.

As Tex drank away at his drink, boredom seemed to be getting at Scuzz, too. And since he couldn't afford a drink himself tonight (and there was no way in heck was he going to ask Tex for some) he was left just as bored as his robotic pal.

Scuzz looked around the saloon with bloodshot, beady eyes and drew on his cigar. The other dusty and worn looking people in the bar didn't look up from their drinks, and it was by far from lively.

"Hmph." He folded his arms and glared at the ceiling.

_SLAM._

Thunderstick and Scuzz looked up in slight alarm as the creaky doors of the saloon burst open and a group of cow-boyish men stood in its wake. Tex glared over his shoulder with a raised brow and wrinkled nose, noting how they pumped out their chests and grinned all over the place like they were expecting autographs.

They strode in with their boots jingling like bells, shiny buckles reflecting in the dim light.

A brunette, the one in front with annoyingly sparkling teeth and a whip tied around his belt strode forward towards the barman, who looked even less impressed than Tex.

"Give me an' ma boys all Sweetwater, my good man!" He boomed, panning a hand towards his gang of five, "We're lookin' for some thirst-quenchin' drink!"

The barman, a short human with a large brown moustache, grunted in response, moving away to fur fill the order. Perhaps he thought it would get these show-boys out quicker.

Scuzz and Thunderstick stared mutely at these men, questioning whether such show-offs with overly wide grins cold really exist. Tex took another drink from his glass, brow still raised in incredulous annoyance.

He didn't noticed that his two men had stared at the newcomers, then slowly turned to look each other with devilish looks. (even for a robot).

Thunderstick and Scuzz stood and slid nearby to lean against the bar, Scuzz drawing on his cigar as they paused. Then, as if on cue, Thunderstick remarked loudly,

"Well den, Sc-Scuzz, I did'nt know we were comin' to a sissy's party..."

The newcomers stiffened and glanced over, taken back by the two outlandish figures. Tex's smirk grew when he saw the look; obviously they hadn't been in these parts that long. Scuzz cackled in a wheezy manner somewhere near Thunderstick knee.

"Well _welcome_, Stranger." He crooned in a raspy, sly voice, swirling his drink around in the glass with a subtle grin, "Me an' ma pals here were wonderin' when things would get a lil' more_ lively_."

The fool of a leader grinned at the comment, obviously missing the tone Tex's "pleasant" comment had been soaked in. "That's what we do, friend."

"Heh-heh!" Scuzz coughed from below, arms folded with a sneering sort of smirk directed at the men, "Lively as a gaggle of _cattle, _heh-heh!"

The leading cowboy scowled and turned towards the three with clenched fists. His men seemed to have finally caught the hostility too, and there was a pause as the two groups stared at each other.

The irritated bartender slammed their drinks down and for a moment they all glanced at the pink drinks. Thunderstick chuckled as the leading cowboy reached for the glass and brought it to his lips.

"Sure ya c-can manage it?"

The Cowboy scowled, then a knowing grin appeared, flashing those stupid white teeth of his. "Better than you can, Tin Can."

Thunderstick's cannon arm twitched as did the lines of static in his eyes, but he made no move just yet. Scuzz drew on his cigar and puffed out a cloud of smoke.

The cowboys coughed roughly as it drew near. "Get that thing away, Shorty!"

Scuzz sneer at them and folded his arms, but stayed where he was. He and Thunderstick knew what they were doing- Tex on the other hand was just sitting back and enjoying the show. His mood seemed to have lightened as he was smiling with all the charm of a skeleton at the hapless group.

"Say dere, Scuzz." Thunderstick spoke in an even tone, "M-maybe we should g-give these d-dudes some advice 'bout messin' with outlaws."

Scuzz smirked up at him. "Yeah-" Cough, cough, "Sounds good ta me!"

They stepped forward, and the group of cowboy's eyes widened noticeably. Then they stiffened their postures and raised their fists in a fighting stance, their leader reaching for his belt. Flashing another one of his annoying toothy grins, he pulled out the whip and gave it a meaningful slap against the floor.

"Ain't that _cute_." Tex remarked, putting his feet up.

There was another pause. The other occupants of the bar stared, frozen, gaping at the scene. The bartender grumbled in annoyance.

"Scramble 'um S-Scuzz!"

The robot and prairieman whipped out their weapons; Scuzz pulling a laser gun from his large pocket and Thunderstick tilting his arm canon at the men. A flash of red lit the dull bar and the cowboys ducked for cover, their whip-wielding leader screeching and diving for the side.

"S'Matter, pretty boy?!" Scuzz called with a following cough, aiming his gun at the other cowboy's feet and chasing them around the place like headless chickens.

"Too much of ye?" Thunderstick yelled over the noise. Tex sipped calmly at his drink as the bystanders ducked under their tables; the cowboys running all about the place to escape the shots.

From outside the usually quiet and dark saloon, passers-by stared curiously at the red lights flickering, lighting up the street outside, along with the ringing sound of lasers and bullets.

They scattered when one of the cowboys, half-roasted and screaming, was thrown through the doors of the saloon and across the dirt road.

Thunderstick tripped over another one of the men, and as soon as he hit the floor Scuzz whacked him over the scull with the leg of a chair. "Who's short now, huh-" Cough.

The leading Cowboy finally managed to scramble to his feet, and narrowly dodging one of Thunderstick's ricocheting red plasma blasts, he spied the realizing Tex Hex nearby and snarled.

He made the biggest mistake of his life that night.

"TAKE THIS YA SCUMBAG!"

With an infuriated yell, he lifted his whip and slashed it towards the pale-haired outlaw, and just as Tex lifted his glass to his lips for another drink, his hat was whipped clean on his hair, his head jerking forward. His eyes widened.

Scuzz and Thunderstick froze; as did all action in the bar. Terrified on-lookers hiding behind the door, window shutters and beneath the tables gasped in horror; Scuzz's mouth fell open and his cigar fell to the group with a slump. Thunderstick's eyes actually focused to pinpoints and widened, both still locked in mid- attack stances.

There was silence.

Very slowly, Tex placed the glass back on the tabletop and stood, lips twisted, sneer just making its way onto his face. The grin on the Lead Cowboy's face slowly faded as the purple outlaw turned to face him.

That grin was the most petrifying thing he'd ever see.

Tex lifted his chin a little, eyes narrowed dangerously as his hand subtly made its way to his gun holster. "_Weeeell_ then," He rasped, "Seems ya ain't caught on yet, _Cowboy..."_

He whipped out his gun and the Cowboy gasped, ducking. But he didn't fire. Confused, the man looked back at him with a raised brow.

Tex's smile widened and he slipped his gun back in its holster, tilting his head to the side. Then, he raised his fingers.

ZAP.

A blinding pale blue light sparked in the saloon, and lighting-like bolts flew from Tex's fingers tips and barreled themselves into the man chest, sending him speeding backwards through the air- and right through the wall of the building.

As the wall crumbled, Tex reached over with a wide smile and drank the last of his drink, setting the glass back on the table.

He glanced at the remaining cowboys and rose a brow. They squeaked like mice and scampered, scrambling out the door with Thunderstick and Scuzz's hysterical laughs following them.

Thunderstick was doubled over, Scuzz almost falling backwards as they hollered. "T-That was t-too funny-!"

"Heh heh-!" Wheeze, "They scared like Fuzz-!"

"Alright, ya varments, let's clear out!" Tex barked, ending their rant, though still with a grin playing at his cracked lips as he strode towards the door. Scuzz and Thunderstick followed, still snickering. Tex waited till they were out before he turned to the cowering bystanders, still hiding under tables and behind chairs.

He tipped his hat. "Have a nice evenin', y'all..."

With that he was gone, as where his cronies, leaving behind a toasted load of cowboys, broken furniture, bullet-hole filled walls and terrified townspeople in their wake.


End file.
